APRIL 2011

Life with Henry has turned that corner where extreme patience is constantly being tested and adjusted. I've been finding some solace in reading "Playful Parenting" by Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD, and it's helped me channel some of that overflowing cup of energy Henry has been exhibiting. In general, I'm coming to a deeper understanding for his need for physical play, and as a result it's been bringing us closer. We've been embracing his love of weapon play, by simply turning it around in a positive way, and not making it such a taboo. At this age, they're really trying to figure out their own sense of power, control and this idea of good vs. evil, so when Henry comes over and "blasts" us, we can counter with, "ahhh! You got me with your love blaster. Now I need to hug you!" To suppress these urges, or to make him feel bad about wanting to express this need for power or violence, I think would isolate him and invalidate his feelings. So many times, I used to think, "He's so obsessed with guns, I need to downplay this or figure out another way around the subject". Now, it's quite the opposite, and in fact, the more I encourage it, the less "obsessed" he seems to be focused on it, because the playful approach always seems to balance it all out.

Also games like monster and simple wrestling, lets him test out his strength and boundaries, in such a way that he feels safe and is able to express and release energy or his pent up frustration. In some ways, I consider myself his preferred "sparring partner" that he comes to, instead of leashing out on other kids, or at the very least, he's had some practice at how to fit this kind of play within certain boundaries.

Something as simple as wrapping my arms around him in a playful gridlock, saying "I'm not going to let you go, you'll never escape me!" When I slowly release my grip, he's delighted that he's escaped, and keeps coming back for more. Sometimes he'll tell me "how" he wants the rules to go, such as, "squeeze me tighter" or "say you won't let me go". It's interesting how he wants to create the dialogue and scenarios with me, so I just follow his lead, let him be the writer and director. Therein lies a deeper level of respect. If things get too rough, or an accident occurs, we simple take a time out to take stock and adjust from there. I just love this simple give and take where we both communicate and understand the rules of play and are engaged enough to keep it fun. It floors me that now when he mentions that he wants to watch a video, I can simply say, "Hey, can we play monster instead?" And it almost always is a unanimous, "Yes!"